Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
