my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
