Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
