I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
