Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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