and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
