Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize