Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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