best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
