He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
