One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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