Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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