It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize