Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize