Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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