whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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