the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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