yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
