but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It all started with a game of naked twister.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
