I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
