That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
