yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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