Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Someone came in the potted fern
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
