I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ugly people sure do ruin things
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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