My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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