Sponge bath it is.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
