You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
