i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
