So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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