I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
