I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
