she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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