I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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