shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
True college students do jello shots in the library
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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