It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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