He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
