I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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