Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
