Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
