If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
