he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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