Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
