Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My pussy is not your playground.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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