Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
