My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
