yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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