official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
