I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
