she pinky promised me she was 18
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
