What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
