You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
