U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
