I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize