Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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