Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize