You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
