I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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