Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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