You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
