Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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