i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
