ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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