some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
