i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
