So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize