I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
