you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
