Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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